We Need To Talk About Mental Health And Pregnancy
There are so many thoughts that run through your mind when you’re pregnant: will I be a good mother? Can I be a mother? Am I too selfish? What if I eat something I shouldn’t? What if I get Postpartum Depression? What if I should go back to work? When should I, if I do? On and on, the mind is unrelenting.
Those are just the normal fears and anxieties racing through the person’s mind, and it’s all very under-discussed in the world of pregnancy. Let’s add to that those of us, like me, who have had a miscarriage (or more) in the past. Now there’s the constant worry that one day you’ll wake up and suddenly the baby is gone. That fear brings with it a truckload of other nagging anxieties.
Since none of that gets much play in the discourse, it stands to reason that those of us, also like me, with PTSD and a history of reoccurring Major Depressive Disorder on top of Generalized Anxiety, have no hope of finding community.
I have scoured the internet blogs, forums, and even mommy apps looking for someone who can relate, but I’ve barely found medical research articles on the subject. I find it hard to believe that there are so few women in the world that have diagnosed PTSD that are also expectant mothers that research isn’t necessary.
Pregnancy, especially the early months, is so lonely to begin with, it feels absolutely isolating to suffer any form of mental illness and not have a confidant. Why are we continuing to make soon-to-be mothers insecure by only projecting the idea of pregnancy as a blissful, joyful thing? Why is it so difficult to open up and say, ‘Yeah, I’m actually having a really hard time, and I’m not sure how to cope?’
When Chrissy Teigen came out with her miscarriage/abortion story, we all felt a little less alone. When Rebel Wilson came out with her fertility issues, we all felt the relief of knowing it happens everywhere to everyone the world over. The same hidden panic can be assuaged if we all decide to be honest about not thinking pregnancy feels like skipping through flowers.
The thing about mental illness is it rears its head when you least expect it. It dampens us, trying to hang over us like a dark cloud, and sometimes it’s not enough to not want it to make it go away. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your growing little one, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be a bad parent, but it does mean we’re stuck fighting a little bit harder — even on our good days.